whoa...
So much has happened so much is a paradox. I have realized through "spirit science" that Kali Yuga is almost over and that I go through Kali Yuga personally every three years and every three months within the year it ends. Meaning that for 3 years I have been in a turmoiled hell. I have felt empty and incomplete, even with someone I thought who loved me. Results: causing chaos. I lost my purpose of enlightenment of my spirit. It is the illusion that the heart was shattered. I am awakening, aware again and I am so grateful for the pain that awoke me.
Being single again after about 2 years ... I do not feel empty. In fact I feel so fulfilled and full of love for myself than I have ever had before. I am saying this with out sarcasm , or spite towards my latent significant other. I feel like I really do not need anyone. If I give myself away right now I will lose this filled up happy feeling I have.
I havent changed anything besides being completely sober. I still havent meditated or yogi'ed out like I should. Nor have I created art... Its this amazing feeling like being cancer free. And now its time to walk again in nature. Yet still I get the occasional phone call reminding me how annoying it was to be with him. Now this independence has made me focus on my goals . Its not that I forgot...its the wave I was flowing with and the wrong time wrong place decisions. Whatever 2012 has going on BRING IT!
Theres so much to learn, so much to say , so much to do, so much love to do it with!!!
Im so thrilled to be free!
THANK YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
To be one again : )
Write in Truth , Speak for Honesty
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Sunday, March 27, 2011
A reminder..
Dark Feminine -> Expectations
Dark Masculine -> Control
Love is not a possesion.
Would you be happy for his happiness??
Would you be happy for her happiness??
When people put boundaries on life, it is false.
-Wisdom
Dark Masculine -> Control
Love is not a possesion.
Would you be happy for his happiness??
Would you be happy for her happiness??
When people put boundaries on life, it is false.
-Wisdom
Monday, May 10, 2010
Sunday, April 25, 2010
GOD does not exist...
But there is a force that unifies all human beings and animals in to the center of truth and honesty. It is the ultimate , the POW , the bang, the feeling of utmost ecstasy running through your body into the earth through the air and into the sky and back down again like a fun roller coaster. Its this feeling that circulates into the heart and out of the heart. This unification looks like a spiraling galaxy. The heart center is the sun. Then the other planets in order of their birth are arranged in the circulation system where they move closer and closer into the bright warmth....
We are all born at different moments in time, under the stars which beseech the earths time line, and the puzzle pieces of fate fall into place. When we touch the force pushing toward the core of the planet, we gravitate with it like the passengers we are. That is when our responsibility is established. Before that, our parents and historical grandparents were responsible for where we are right now in history. What actions they inhibited in their life that consequence them in their own selfish ignorant way, affects us now profoundly.*
Note* ITS NOT ALWAYS A NEGATIVE THING BECAUSE THE ONES THAT BELIEVED IN THE STORY AND IN LIVING IN THE NAME OF A GOD HEADED CONCIENCE AND BELIEVED IN HEAVEN AND HELL , A VERY SIGNIFICANT CONSEQUENCE AFTER DEATH WOULD GREET THEM , HAVE HELPED YOU AND ME WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF OUR EXISTENCE OR THEIR OWN SIGNIFICANCE!
Therefore, coincidences are not to be taken lightly. Think of how these circumstances connected, and think of WHY this coincidence met. Think of how you want it to end, and think of how you would be able to help and heal y/our future. EVERYONE is able to do this. EVERYONE has this power. Like stated , it is a moment of birth sequence which affects the concience of ultimate awareness... Babies are not born knowing how to speak and read throught there parents, but they had a grid in them, their blueprint that tells them what bubble they will be blown into if they follow the flow. The parents karma, especially the mothers, is passed on to her child. I.e) My grandmother had explosive fights with her mother, my mother with my grandmother, and now my mother and I ...this is a curse that can only be cured through me. I have to end the cycle, because in the womb I was already given this task. Only I can conciously do this, because I see it.
But there are something you cant see, like why some diseases just appear. The continuous tanundrum of treating your body well, and excercising is getting monotonous. Why do some HEALTHY and EDUCATED people get cancer and tumors. Its not just the exposures to toxins, but its the toxin blue print, like a lock, placed within the baby by the mother and father, waiting for this key to open this lock at some point within their lives. Their PARENTS are to be blamed, but the CHOICES you make are up to you. If you see this answer, and it is given to you, fucking served to you, and you still decide to close your mind to it, whos fault is it then?
So PEOPLE , before you decide you want to raise a human, raise yourselves, wake the fuck up sleeping gods and goddesses, take responsibillity! Only then you shall be strong enough , mentally, physically and spiritually to be able to take blame for your child.
All I see is parents fucking up and blaming there child instead of themselves. SO please people either stop having kids, and/or start being responsible...
This world is over populated with toxic beings, do not be the majority .
Conform to the unique being of light , love and peace. But first, OPEN WIDE.
We are all born at different moments in time, under the stars which beseech the earths time line, and the puzzle pieces of fate fall into place. When we touch the force pushing toward the core of the planet, we gravitate with it like the passengers we are. That is when our responsibility is established. Before that, our parents and historical grandparents were responsible for where we are right now in history. What actions they inhibited in their life that consequence them in their own selfish ignorant way, affects us now profoundly.*
Note* ITS NOT ALWAYS A NEGATIVE THING BECAUSE THE ONES THAT BELIEVED IN THE STORY AND IN LIVING IN THE NAME OF A GOD HEADED CONCIENCE AND BELIEVED IN HEAVEN AND HELL , A VERY SIGNIFICANT CONSEQUENCE AFTER DEATH WOULD GREET THEM , HAVE HELPED YOU AND ME WITHOUT BEING AWARE OF OUR EXISTENCE OR THEIR OWN SIGNIFICANCE!
Therefore, coincidences are not to be taken lightly. Think of how these circumstances connected, and think of WHY this coincidence met. Think of how you want it to end, and think of how you would be able to help and heal y/our future. EVERYONE is able to do this. EVERYONE has this power. Like stated , it is a moment of birth sequence which affects the concience of ultimate awareness... Babies are not born knowing how to speak and read throught there parents, but they had a grid in them, their blueprint that tells them what bubble they will be blown into if they follow the flow. The parents karma, especially the mothers, is passed on to her child. I.e) My grandmother had explosive fights with her mother, my mother with my grandmother, and now my mother and I ...this is a curse that can only be cured through me. I have to end the cycle, because in the womb I was already given this task. Only I can conciously do this, because I see it.
But there are something you cant see, like why some diseases just appear. The continuous tanundrum of treating your body well, and excercising is getting monotonous. Why do some HEALTHY and EDUCATED people get cancer and tumors. Its not just the exposures to toxins, but its the toxin blue print, like a lock, placed within the baby by the mother and father, waiting for this key to open this lock at some point within their lives. Their PARENTS are to be blamed, but the CHOICES you make are up to you. If you see this answer, and it is given to you, fucking served to you, and you still decide to close your mind to it, whos fault is it then?
So PEOPLE , before you decide you want to raise a human, raise yourselves, wake the fuck up sleeping gods and goddesses, take responsibillity! Only then you shall be strong enough , mentally, physically and spiritually to be able to take blame for your child.
All I see is parents fucking up and blaming there child instead of themselves. SO please people either stop having kids, and/or start being responsible...
This world is over populated with toxic beings, do not be the majority .
Conform to the unique being of light , love and peace. But first, OPEN WIDE.
Saturday, January 30, 2010
The Wolf
To every end there is a begining, to every begining there is an end.
Tonight was the wolf moon . And tonight was the night my wolf died.
He was more of a scrubby little carpet slipper than a wolf.
The last of what memory of my father that was left. A shitzu with an over grown heart.
It was today, the day of the wolf moon that the heaven opened there orb and took him from this earth and let him be free.
He suffered sixteen years on this painful planet.
Now he is in his heaven, where all dogs go.
Why is it so painful to lose a dog, such an animal that you feel burdened and blessed by?
Because they are the purest form of innocence.
And even if you try to help, you can not.
I mourned him long before he passed, just as I mourned my entire family. With the question of "What if they were gone?" And it was the best shield I had . Because that is why I appreciate you. That is why I treasure your very existence. I know you are fragile , and you will go to your heaven when you are ready, and it is a fact. It will not be a shock.
Be prepared for death. Be prepared to have someone you love taken away from you without a thought that you have control over it.
Then you will know what love is. And you will be pure. And you will be safe from long sorrow.
Everything you have will be gone. We will go together. One day...
Goodnight Guron.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Break me again. Please.
"for the record, my heart is sore..."
Anyway, this goes to everyone and anyone thats been crushed , broken, betrayed, belittled, etc. by a person they loved.
People hurt the ones they love, especially themselves.
Sometimes you have to realize you hurt yourself by hurting someone else. Like letting go of someone precious that you shouldnt have let go of, then having them be very hurt by the spontinaety of the break off, and you figuring it out over a year later that you have gone and fucked up. Lost that person. Forever.
Sad.
I will admit that I have hurt and been hurt that way many times and it is a learning cycle that spirals upward.
Thank you , you know who you all are, for breaking my heart.
Thank you, for making me see myself in the dark.
Thank you, for realizing I have to let go of you to show you I love you , which in turn means I am showing that I love myself. That I respect you, and I respect myself.
Really THANK YOU for showing me what I do not need in life, and what I want from life.
Thank you for letting me appreciate what I have by stripping me of my clinging comfort blanket that I woven over my eyes when I was with you.
Thank you for letting my humillity grow.
Thank you for letting me see that some things are just not meant to be.
Thank you for setting me free.
I had to get that off my chest.
Its the truth from my heart.
Time to rest.
Much love to the ones that did not break me, you are one with me, another piece of my whole and I will always love you and you know who you are , there are very few... but I know you know because you are probably taking your time reading this right now :)
Anyway, this goes to everyone and anyone thats been crushed , broken, betrayed, belittled, etc. by a person they loved.
People hurt the ones they love, especially themselves.
Sometimes you have to realize you hurt yourself by hurting someone else. Like letting go of someone precious that you shouldnt have let go of, then having them be very hurt by the spontinaety of the break off, and you figuring it out over a year later that you have gone and fucked up. Lost that person. Forever.
Sad.
I will admit that I have hurt and been hurt that way many times and it is a learning cycle that spirals upward.
Thank you , you know who you all are, for breaking my heart.
Thank you, for making me see myself in the dark.
Thank you, for realizing I have to let go of you to show you I love you , which in turn means I am showing that I love myself. That I respect you, and I respect myself.
Really THANK YOU for showing me what I do not need in life, and what I want from life.
Thank you for letting me appreciate what I have by stripping me of my clinging comfort blanket that I woven over my eyes when I was with you.
Thank you for letting my humillity grow.
Thank you for letting me see that some things are just not meant to be.
Thank you for setting me free.
I had to get that off my chest.
Its the truth from my heart.
Time to rest.
Much love to the ones that did not break me, you are one with me, another piece of my whole and I will always love you and you know who you are , there are very few... but I know you know because you are probably taking your time reading this right now :)
Monday, January 4, 2010
This one goes to those who do not appreciate there time on earth
R.I.P 1/4/2010
Baba Lyuba I really miss talking to you
....her name meant love in russian and she lived until she was 99 , 11 days before her 100th birthday, 1/15/2010
Everyone has bad moments in there life. They lie to themselves thinking they're the center of it all and its all about them and theyre the only people on earth that have ever felt that way. Next, they bring company to their misery, and maybe numb the pain for a while , not realizing there damaging themselves and others more deeper. Instead of getting off there ass, or atleast grabbing the bull by its horns, they lay down and beg for death... but death dont show up until they shoot themselves, hang themselves or OD.
DEATH will get to "you" JUST when you dont really want it to , and its your own fault because you did not appreciate your life.
Pain is the beauty of living. I thank the gods for pain; physical, and mental. (spiritual pain is something that you do not want to go through and its something that 98% of people experience everyday infront of there tvs, computers, etc, without realization of there spirits death- more on this later).
Pain of loneliness: this is the process which one goes through without any other "crutch" "shoulder to lean on" and "safe ground" to come home to. This is the cold , dark , truth that enables you to truly see Who You Are. This pain is hardest for liars, selfish people, egotists, narcissists , superficial, and overall mean people.
Solution: Answer yourself : Who are you?
Pain of Loss: this situation is related to death, disaster and other misfortunes of losing the physical. This process is painful for all people (maybe not buddhists) but mostly insecure , spiritually immature, and close minded people and it will take a longer time to get over for people such as the latter.
Solution: Realize for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. How is your Karma these days? Have you been dealin with your pain by killing it / numbing it with unhealthy poisons such as shopping, sex, or drugs...or have you been practicing random acts of kindness?
Those two are the main feelings of pain that hurt us the most and if we stop being so god damn selfish and look at the wonderful things we have in life such as breath , lungs, legs, fingers, opportunities, eyes ... we will truly be free of this pain forever....
To be free of pain, you must experience is 100% by grabbing the bull by its horns , calming it down, and looking at it in the eye .
Get my flow?
Feel the Pain.
Just BREATHE.
Baba Lyuba I really miss talking to you
....her name meant love in russian and she lived until she was 99 , 11 days before her 100th birthday, 1/15/2010
Everyone has bad moments in there life. They lie to themselves thinking they're the center of it all and its all about them and theyre the only people on earth that have ever felt that way. Next, they bring company to their misery, and maybe numb the pain for a while , not realizing there damaging themselves and others more deeper. Instead of getting off there ass, or atleast grabbing the bull by its horns, they lay down and beg for death... but death dont show up until they shoot themselves, hang themselves or OD.
DEATH will get to "you" JUST when you dont really want it to , and its your own fault because you did not appreciate your life.
Pain is the beauty of living. I thank the gods for pain; physical, and mental. (spiritual pain is something that you do not want to go through and its something that 98% of people experience everyday infront of there tvs, computers, etc, without realization of there spirits death- more on this later).
Pain of loneliness: this is the process which one goes through without any other "crutch" "shoulder to lean on" and "safe ground" to come home to. This is the cold , dark , truth that enables you to truly see Who You Are. This pain is hardest for liars, selfish people, egotists, narcissists , superficial, and overall mean people.
Solution: Answer yourself : Who are you?
Pain of Loss: this situation is related to death, disaster and other misfortunes of losing the physical. This process is painful for all people (maybe not buddhists) but mostly insecure , spiritually immature, and close minded people and it will take a longer time to get over for people such as the latter.
Solution: Realize for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. How is your Karma these days? Have you been dealin with your pain by killing it / numbing it with unhealthy poisons such as shopping, sex, or drugs...or have you been practicing random acts of kindness?
Those two are the main feelings of pain that hurt us the most and if we stop being so god damn selfish and look at the wonderful things we have in life such as breath , lungs, legs, fingers, opportunities, eyes ... we will truly be free of this pain forever....
To be free of pain, you must experience is 100% by grabbing the bull by its horns , calming it down, and looking at it in the eye .
Get my flow?
Feel the Pain.
Just BREATHE.
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